Its Only On The Edge We Know Who We Really Are...

I just had to leave New Jersey. They were willing to pay me 58K an year but it didn't make sense, I never wanted to be a SAP Consultant. I came back to San Francisco. After purchasing the flight ticket, I only had a couple of dollars left which were nothing more than peanuts in a city like San Francisco.

Although the first few weeks went fine, i mean i didn't have a job but at least a place to crash. I stayed with a friend at the motel he used to work. Room no.100. To be frank, I wasn't living, I was hiding - if the owner would come to know of me sneaking in and out of the motel, we both could have gotten kicked out. It was more than just embarrassing.

But all the good and bad things come to an end right..i had to move out of that place coz' my friend was going back to India. It was even more difficult because just a few months ago I used to rent a studio for myself in this city and suddenly I am trying hard to find a place to sleep.

By then, i was posting my resumes to find a job while working as a clerk at a gas station. I needed an advance for a room I found close to my workplace. I started working double shifts to earn extra money and it would also serve my purpose of being somewhere than being anywhere. I used to work 16hours straight-4pm to 8am and would sleep at the back of a taxi car parked at the gas station. Would hardly get 6-7 hours sleep, would grab something at a local deli and get back to my 16hr routine.

If i worked during the day, the Muni would take care of me at night. I will never forget the 22 bus line which ran from Fillmore to the Potrero hill. The night sights & lights, the empty streets of San Francisco still move in front of my eyes, whenever i feel nostalgic. I would hop-on the bus, sleep to the last stop, wait for the next bus to start, basically do this the whole night.

I was never really ashamed of what i put myself through. I have learn't to appreciate the little things we usually ignore and take for granted. Moreover, I never really imagined i was capable of going through such a phase. As much as i have learnt from my experiences, i have learn't a part of myself.

After all, it's only on the edge we know who we really are...

-Varűn: 08-02-11